Dear community

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Gaza.
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I’ve been quiet
Because I didn’t know what to say.
Worried perhaps of how to say it.
And I lean into our community mindset that 'we can't be articulate all the time'.
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I have been caught in my own cocoon of change, while everything globally.
Ignited by Trump, but also fed by my ego.
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I’ve realised I’ve been spending too much time looking inward.
Perhaps ignoring.
Not using my privilege for outward energy.
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Usually...
I act fast.
I think faster, internally.
But I process slowly, with others.
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My ADHD tendencies also mean I get stuck in my head.
And if you’re like me, you might need a bit of challenge occasionally.
But when I’m in flow, I act on intuition. Quickly. Clearly.
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​So why am I writing this now?
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​Because my values, connection, inclusion, courage, have felt stuck when it comes to Gaza.
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A previous version of me would have...
signed up to an emergency response team by now.
perhaps quit the organisation for their lack of statements or non-engagement.

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Or...I would have contacted old employers to offer support.
(A wee bit of saviourism, maybe.
But also a deep desire to help.)
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But Gaza isn’t like the other crises I’ve known.
This one feels... beyond one person.
Feels...out of my control.
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I’m lucky to be surrounded by activists, doing the work, locally and globally.
From devolving pensions funds, protests about military supply chains, sponsoring education schemes
I'm pretty proud of how the community in Sheffield alone has responded.
Then globally, many speaking up internally and publically.
Keep going! You know who you are.
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Is supporting them enough?
What is enough?
Am I truly showing up with courage?
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​How are you, the activists in this community, doing?
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​I see my son playing,
Innocent to the atrocities.
We talk about the world, and about Gaza’s inhumanity, as we play.
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I feel the thoughts in my stomach.
Is this guilt?
Shame?
Hopelessness?
Heartbreak?
Disconnection?
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How am I really supporting the generations to come?
Are the choices of world leaders shaping my subconscious?
Am I becoming more protectionist, more cautious, about what I hold dear?
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I sit with my privilege, to decide my day, to feel stable.
I question what it means to ‘earn money’ while Gaza happens on our watch.
And I see how my ego still makes my life feel more difficult than it really is.
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My life will never compare to the difficulty in Gaza, past, present, or future.
I know I must carry both the yin and the yang to what is...
Stay curious.
Keep doing something.
Not forget.
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Tonight, I’ll sit with Eli.
I’ll tell him some of the news.
I saw a park run being organised. I'll talk to him about that.
How do you tell a 9-year-old what is happening, while also keeping their creative energy and optimism alive, that the future can be better?
I'll tell you how it goes.
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I’ll stay open, to receiving, and then acting on what is received.
I hope this reflection helps you do the same.
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I’ll take a step of courage starting here, this message.
Maybe you are like me, and feel a bit stuck.
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​- If you have resources to share on how our community can support, please email me.
- If you'd like to receive those resources, email me and I’ll share whatever is passed on.

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- I also wonder, those not working for social justice organisations - what has your organisation been saying regarding Gaza?

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Thank you for reading, sending you a lot of love and compassion in holding and being present.

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I feel this is most appropriate for a track - 4'33 (silence)
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4'33'' • John Cage 4'33'' • John Cage PREVIEW   ​